Fifty Days Underground

February 15, 2014

Who inspired today's broken heart song?

A woman who grew up facing many challenges. She was raised in a family of alcoholics. She spent most of her life trying to fill a void that was left in her heart. She felt like she didn't measure up or fit in anywhere. She tried drugs, alcohol and men, but nothing seemed to fill the hole in her heart. It wasn't until she discovered her faith that her life finally turned around.

For the first time in her life, she experienced pure unconditional love. She felt accepted for just being herself. She was able to forgive herself for all she had hated in herself and find a new path in life. She discovered a path that led to a life of fulfillment and confidence and great things. Not great things like money, possessions or even all bright and shiny days, but contentment and excitement about being the person that God intended her to be.

I've said it before, but I love happy endings. I felt really fulfilled writing and singing this song. Regardless of what you believe or don't believe in, faith is both powerful and beautiful. So is the strength in this woman to ultimately choose the right path for herself. I liked the idea of using home in this song because I don't think this woman was home until she discovered her faith.

Where did you play?

Union Square – 14th St. I figured it would be a busy station with weekend shoppers. I found a spot in a tunnel/walkway near the 4/5/6 trains.

How much did you earn?

$4.63 - I didn't stay too long today.

Did anything unusual happen?

I'm so intimated by weekenders. I don't know what it is, but the weekend crowd is just so much more overwhelming and makes me ten times more nervous than playing for the morning commuters on a weekday. Although it's probably all in my head, I feel more judged and like I get more stink eyes. So I played for about an hour and a half, packed up and went home. I guess my new challenge is to confidently perform a longer shift on a Saturday.

Other than some weird looks, nothing super unusual happened. I got a dollar coin for the second time. I always wonder how people end up with those. My voice is usually never as strong at the end of week and since it was so crowded, I felt like I had to belt a lot. I'll always love children for smiling and waving at me. They have so much to teach us adults.

Did you meet anyone interesting?

No, I don't think I was there long enough and the crowds were pretty crazy. Still, people seemed less interested in stopping to chat today. I think my energy great, but maybe they were just too distracted with their Saturday plans. :)

What's the best advice you received from a stranger?

No advice today. Instead, some fun facts:

I always mention the friendly people I meet underground, but I never mention the stink eyes I get. I get a lot of stink eyes.

When you smile at someone, they usually smile back.

My left thigh has a beautiful cluster of bruises from carrying my keyboard.

How are you feeling?

Not too shabby! Having Thursday off this week made a huge difference in my energy. It's snowing again, which I don't mind when I have to stay in and work, but I'm so ready for spring! I'm also looking forward to my Sunday off. I'll probably be performing on Monday this week because it's a holiday.  

My interview with Life, I Swear is up. I am slightly reluctant to share it because I didn't realize how many personal feelings I exposed, but I have to keep telling myself that vulnerability is a strength and not a weakness. *hides under covers*

I had a moment of weakness today when I let my insecurities get the best of me. Sigh. But after the clouds disappeared, I was showered with some clarity. Life takes work. Nothing worth having is easy. Loving yourself, confidence and self worth - it all takes constant work. It doesn't just happen. I often forget that. And I can't take stink eyes or anything else from anyone else personally because 99.9% of the time, it has nothing to do with me. I'm learning to look at my new singledom as a blessing and not a curse. I'm looking at it as a huge opportunity to devote all my time, energy and love into my music and this project. Who knows when I'll get another time in my life to do something like this?

Also, I wanted to thank you all for the AMAZING stories that have been flooding my inbox. I am really looking forward to writing so many of these songs. It's funny because everyone keeps telling me I'm brave for doing what I'm doing, but I feel like you are all the brave ones for sharing your deepest, most intimate, broken and darkest moments in your lives with me. And I can't tell you how much I appreciate it, and also how much I truly believe it's helping us all connect to one another.

© 2014 Kelly Bazely