Fifty Days Underground

February 20, 2014

Who inspired today's broken heart song?

A woman who had a miscarriage. She was trying for her second baby and got pregnant almost immediately, but something didn’t feel right. Despite her intuition, she bought a tiny Christmas infant bodysuit in newborn size.

About a week later, she miscarried. She was kneeling in her daughter’s room, organizing her bookshelf. Children’s books and games surrounded her when she felt her baby leave her body. She was doubled over with pain, crying. She kept the infant bodysuit in her closet for about two years.

I titled this song Goodnight because one of my personal memories from growing up was my parents tucking me in, giving me a kiss and wishing me goodnight. However in this song, goodnight is more like farewell. I wanted the music to be childlike, but haunting. Simple and broken.

Where did you play?

Lexington Avenue – 59th St. I work near this train station on Mondays and Tuesdays, and happen to know that the Sony building is right around the corner so I thought I would dream of meeting those cool people today… :)

How much did you earn?

$18.10

Did anything unusual happen?

I originally set up in a stairwell where there were tons of people. About half an hour in, a friendly MTA worker told me I couldn’t play there, but said he would show me the ‘prime spot’ to play. I followed him to a space on the NQR platform, and he was right! I was much more successful there.

A mother waited for the train with three little kids in snowsuits that looked about four years old. They were extremely adorable. They came right up to me, holding hands. They kept smiling and dancing to the music. Their mother gave them each a coin to throw into my keyboard case. They made my day.

I had someone give me a $5 bill again. This always floors me. I always wonder what inspires someone to do that. I'm personally a sucker for the mariachi bands that play on the train (must be the Mexican in me). I still haven't heard from the woman who gave me a $20 bill last week. I realize I may never hear from her, but if you're out there, thank you again, and I would still absolutely love to talk to you and/or sing your story.

Did you meet anyone interesting?

Probably just the cute children and the MTA guy. I didn't have any long chats with anyone today. I can always sense when I will and when I won't, and it's usually based off of my energy. My energy wasn't bad today, but it also wasn't great. I think four days of not performing made me a little bit nervous. I got a new subscriber to my e-mail list though (he picked up a card today) - I was really excited about that.

What's the best advice you received from a stranger?

No advice today. Instead, some fun facts:

I often receive more tips from men than women (sorry, ladies).

A coworker asked me what I did with the days I'm not at the office. I said I was a subway musician. They thought I was kidding. I think I need a fake job. 

I feel like I am developing an intimate relationship with the NYC subway system. When I walk into particular stations now, I'm flooded with memories and stories.

How are you feeling?

Pretty good! I do wish my energy was stronger this morning, but I know every day can't be perfect. I feel like I caught up on my sleep this past weekend, and am ready to kick ass tomorrow. I just received a really touching story (hits close to home) that I will likely write a song about tonight.

It was interesting writing a song about a miscarriage - it's not something I ever thought I'd write a song about, but I'm thankful I had the opportunity to do it. I have to say all of the stories I receive are so beautiful. I feel like I'm building these personal relationships with your hearts. Thank you for trusting me and my music with your deepest heartaches. 

I was invited to sing for groups of preschoolers with cerebral palsy next week. I'm really looking forward to it. I feel like I've changed so much since this project started. And I honestly think it's a God sent gift. Not only is it healing me, it's  helping me heal others. It's rebuilding my confidence and it's showing me the potential I have to make a difference.

© 2014 Kelly Bazely