Fifty Days Underground

March 21, 2014

Who inspired today's broken heart song?

A woman who had her heart broken by her first love. They were together on and off for about two years. He kept breaking up with her. She stayed with him because she loved him deeply. However, he wasn't sure if he loved her. 

One night she decided to have sex with him in hope that it would make him love her back. It was her first time sleeping with someone. After losing her virginity to him, she turned to ask him if he loved her. He responded, "No." She lay there in tears, shattered and heartbroken.

It took her years to get over him even though he had already moved on. She didn't know her self-worth, and she became severely depressed. She kept going back to him, only to be rejected over and over again. She later realized she deserved so much more.

Sometimes you write a song, and you just know. That was this song. I can't even begin to express the feelings I have towards this song. I've never written something this passionate and vulnerable in my entire life. You Don't Want Me is a song about unrequited love. She wants to be more for this person that she loves so deeply in hope that he will love her in return. She closes the door reluctantly, still wanting to be with him, but left with no other choice.

Where did you play?

Grand Central Terminal – 42nd Street and Broadway – Lafayette Street.

How much did you earn?

$40.88 - I think that's a record high!

Did anything unusual happen?

I annoyingly forgot my business cards again. I was in a rush this morning to beat the morning commuters and forgot to put them in my bag. It's odd how the slightest mishap can affect your entire energy. When I started playing, I was feeling really insecure. I knew the cards were missing and it threw me off. I felt like I had already failed with today's performance before I even started.

If you don't believe that your energy can affect pretty much everything that comes to you in life, then I'm here to prove you wrong. The slightest things have a huge impact on the success of my performances. When I stood there singing with my hair in my face, looking down, slouched against the wall, I had zero feedback. I might as well not have been there. Knowing this, I immediately pulled my hair back in a bun, stood tall and smiled at the people passing by. They came to me like children at an ice-cream truck. One man started clapping loudly. Another man walked by, smiled and gave me a $10 bill. I was shocked with his generosity and proud of myself for shifting my energy so quickly.

Grand Central Terminal is one of my favorite spots to perform. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to stick around for more then an hour today because of some competitors. There's something I like to call busking courtesy, and that's pretty much staying far enough away from other buskers so that you're not playing or singing on top of them. At one end of the long hallway, there was a guitarist and at the other end, there were some string players. I decided to perform in the middle of the hallway where I couldn't hear either of them, and all was great. Halfway through a song, I heard someone singing Celine Dion's, 'My Heart Will Go On.' It was loud. Really loud. I realized a woman had sat down just a couple feet away from me to start busking. At first, I kept going with the mentality that I was there first and wasn't going to move. But then I just felt bad for the people walking through the tunnel. The two of us singing on top of each other sounded very much like the Titanic sinking. So I made my way to Broadway – Lafayette Street and spent the rest of the morning performing there.

Did you meet anyone interesting?

I met a man Broadway – Lafayette Street who thoroughly enjoying today's song. He stood next to me, closed his eyes and nodded his head while I sang. His English was broken, but he gave me a donation and started talking to me about Billy Joel and 'Piano Man.' He said he had a Casio keyboard at home, and played a few notes on mine before his train arrived. 

There was an old woman who was sitting nearby and although she didn't look at me, I could tell she was listening. When her train arrived, she stood up, put a $5 bill in my hand, gave me the warmest smile and nodded her head. Such a beautiful and heartwarming moment.

There was a man, a DJ, who gave me a donation, listened for a while and then came back to give me another donation. That actually happened a few times today which surprised me. I hope that means people enjoyed today's song. When I finished singing, he gave me his business card and told me to reach out because he's always looking for singers.

What's the best advice you received from a stranger?

No advice, so fun facts:

I received more change today than ever before. I hope having lots of pennies means extra luck.

There was a little girl in a princess crown who watched me perform. It made me wish it was socially acceptable for me to wear a princess crown too.

It smelt like urine at the second spot I performed at today. Sometimes that happens.

How are you feeling?

Great! The warmer weather is still keeping my spirits high. I'm working out again too, which has also contributed to my happy energy. I am still kind of shocked with how much I made today. I guess I really put my heart and soul into singing this song, and people connect with that. It'll definitely have to be one that I keep singing as I go. Speaking of which, tomorrow marks halfway! Crazy.

It's only been two days back in, and I'm already yawning and craving a nap. I forgot how much work goes into this project. I feel like this is my child, and my entire life revolves around it. I am thoroughly enjoying every moment though. I was talking to my number one fan today, mother dearest, and she was telling me how much she thinks my music has matured and grown. I honestly feel the same about myself. It's nice to know that me and my music are in sync.

I also didn't realize how far this project has gone. I woke up with a lovely e-mail from my friend in The Netherlands telling me that her friends are always asking about my project. She had dinner with her neighbors the other day that were really excited about it as well. I never really imagined people across the ocean to be reading my blog, but I am very grateful. Jay, a musician I perform with occasionally, had a friend in Boston stumble upon it. I am feeling very blessed for the support! 

I'm really excited to be performing with a couple of very talented musicians next week. I will be accompanied by a guitarist and a cellist so it's going to be kick ass. Definitely stop by and say hello if you can! Also, keep submitting your stories. I have about a dozen left in my inbox and then I'll need some more. Thank you for continuing to follow me on this journey. I can't begin to express my gratitude. I am cherishing every single one of your stories, and truly believe we are healing hearts together.

© 2014 Kelly Bazely