Fifty Days Underground

June 2, 2014

Who inspired today's broken heart song?

A former policeman who spent his life trying to find a solution for everyone's daily problems but his own. He's been married four times. He said two of them failed because of unappreciative step kids, and another one because his wife was a closet alcoholic. After divorcing his first wife, he ran into financial hardships due to child support and college education for his two kids. He also left the Police Department after thirteen years because he felt it was corrupt and he was on the outside looking in.

After moving from job to job, he had two bad knee replacements and a blown epidural in his back, resulting in having pins and screws placed in his back. He is now working after being on disability and is miserable every day or night that he works. His 34-year-old daughter has never made amends with him after he divorced her mom almost twenty years ago. Lastly, he lost his best friend and father a few years ago. He was his rock, and everything changed after he passed away. 

Pins & Screws is a metaphor for the physical pins and screws in his body, but also for the hardships he has faced in his life. The part that stuck out the most to me in his story was the fact that he has spent his entire life trying to make other people happy, but he has left himself empty. Not only is it a selfless heartbreak, but I think it's a relatable one too. It's also unique to the other broken heart stories I've sung about thus far. Despite his heartbreak, I was truly inspired by his positivity and optimism in his e-mail. Maybe one day he'll find a way to put himself first.

Where did you play?

Broadway-Lafayette St. and Herald Square – 34th St.

How much did you earn?

$1.00

Did anything unusual happen? 

First, to explain the sad earnings of the day, I bailed early! #fail. I'm sorry! :( I just wasn't feeling it today. I still struggle with the evening performances. I started playing above the platform by a stairwell where herds of people were going up and down. Singing on the platform always means singing over the loud trains. I had a few people stop and take interest. One man put his thumbs up and started dancing. A woman stopped to donate with her friend, and she also danced as she walked away. 

As I was singing, I got a sudden splurge of confidence. It was enough confidence to tell myself that I should be brave enough to sing on the platform where the people are waiting for their trains. So I packed my stuff up and dragged it down the stairs and started to set up amongst the crowd. After singing one song, and getting a lot of looks and stares, I started to feel uncomfortable. I could barely hear myself, so I can imagine all they saw was me mouthing words. And then I remembered, I've never liked performing at this station. So why did I choose it again? I'm not sure. I contemplated going back upstairs, but as the F train rolled in, I decided to call it quits instead. 

When I got home, I started uploading my videos only to realize my song for the day didn't record because my memory was full! So I geared up again, and walked to my local stop to perform it. It was a long, quiet hallway with the most amazing echos and acoustics. I felt like I was singing into a microphone. I sang my little heart out, and it was kick ass. :)

Did you meet anyone interesting?

Unfortunately, I didn't give myself enough time to meet anyone. There was a man who walked by, and asked if he could take my card. He said he is a music producer and is always looking for singers so he would be in touch. Oddly enough, I've met a lot of those on those on this journey thus far. 

What's the best advice you received from a stranger?

No advice so fun facts:

Performing on the hot and humid days is way more challenging than performing on the bitter cold ones. 

People seem less chatty lately, and I'm starting to wonder if that's weather related as well.

Something you never see is that every time I try to shoot my song for the day, my camera falls off my keyboard. I might have to make a bloopers video at the end of this.

How are you feeling?

I'm honestly ready for this project to be over. That sounds awful becasue I have really enjoyed it, and it's been such a huge blessing in my life, but these last few days feel like they are lingering. I don't think the muggy weather is helping. I've been feeling really stressed out lately about a lot of things, and I'm hoping some of that weight will be gone once I finish this project. I hope that doesn't make me sound ungrateful because you're support and encouragement continues to mean the world to me. Truly! I've said it once, and I'll say it again, I would not have been able to get this far without you.

Sometimes I can get too caught up in the what's next, and forget to live in the now. I have definitely been having career stresses (as I'm sure most people do). It is slightly annoying that I worry so much because God has never failed me. The more I trust, the more I am constantly rewarded. For example, lately I have been getting a lot of photo shoot opportunities (I'm a photographer on the side). I haven't been looking for them, they have just come to me. And financially, I couldn't be more thankful. And despite whatever hardships do come my way, I know I'll be okay. So I guess I don't really have a good enough reason to be anxious, yet I still am. Maybe because there's still that big, fat question of, "What am I going to do for the rest of my life?" I think I'm just craving direction. Ah, life.

© 2014 Kelly Bazely